Predators: Adrian in Schwarzeneggerland

predators-filmAdrian Brody as an action hero? Yup. The Pianist who survived King Kong only to become Rickity the Field Mouse in The Fantastic Mr. Fox does a star turn here as the mercenary Royce. Especially when Mr. Brody starts running about bare-chested near the finale -- you'll want to applaud his exquisitely chiseled torso. Sadly, a six-pack does not a movie make.

This latest in the Predator enterprise (begun in 1987 with Arnold Schwarzenegger when he still had hero status) is barely a film. An unimaginative plot line, a stilted script, nil character development, and paltry special effects add up to . . . . Well, they don’t add up to much.

So when a character announces, "I want off this planet," you’ll have to admit he's voicing your sentiments. Hopefully, though, when Stans (Walter Goggins), a serial killer, announces, "If I ever get home, I’m going to rape me some fine bitches," he isn’t . . . voicing your sentiments, that is.

You see, the story commences with a group of human predators (e.g. gangsters, Yakuza enforcers) from planet Earth being literally dropped from the sky into an alien jungle where they become game for some nasty E.T.s who are trying to improve their killing skills. Who will survive? Well, let me see. How about the white hero Royce and Isabelle (Alice Braga), the lone female among the lowlifes?

Stans (to Isabelle): "Your ass is awesome."

Awesome asses usually don’t get killed off unless there are more than one of them around.

Of course, maybe this flick has some surprises in store.

For example, who'd expect a Hemingway quote? There is one, but the wrong one. The screenwriter (Alex Litvak) should have gone with "If you have a success you have it for the wrong reasons. If you become popular it is always because of the worst aspects of your work." That alone might account for how this piece of crap pulled in $43 million worldwide on its opening weekend. - Brandon Judell


Mr. Judell is featured in the forthcoming documentary Activist: The Times of Vito Russo and has been edited out of Rosa von Praunheim's New York Memories. In the fall, he'll be teaching "American Jewish Theater" and "Theater into Film" at The City College of New York. He has written on film for The Village Voice,, The New York Daily News, and The Advocate, and is anthologized in Cynthia Fuchs's Spike Lee Interviews (University Press of Mississippi).

You go on to describe what

You go on to describe what you call a bad plot-line, yet you made it sound like what it is, which is good. Predators weighed the plot among the level of it's concept. It delivered what it set out to do. And there was certain mystery. Who doesn't want to re-live the alien basecamp/graveyard. Sacks of bones a goo in shapes that completely bewilder.

shame on you Mr. Judell

Predators is a real relic among mainstream crappy blockbusters . We see gay crap, movies for lesbians, movies with occult context in it for disfunctional dillusional Prozac teens (embicile Kristen Stewart from Twilight - fucking occult crap),
forever idiotic Judd Apatow horse shit, satanic Iron Man-2 and so on and so forth........... But when some decent and quality stuff comes out (movies like Inception, Predators, From Paris with Love, Edge of Darkness , Knight and Day, Splice , Green Zone ) it always gets craped and shitted by people like you , what is even stranger- these good films suspiciously fail at the box office. What the fuck is going on? Have people already lost their taste in good movies? Probably they did and that's again because of ass-holes like you Mr. Juddel. And Adrian's six-pack isn't his only merit, it is his character , his intelligence that makes him fascinating together with the great supporting acting ensamble , Nimrod Antal's movie Armored alone makes John Favro's Iron Man-2 look like Chip and fucking Dale .

I'm Baffled

Inception is receiving almost unanimous rave reviews so what's your complaint about the critical establishment?

Also, I've panned almost all Judd Apatow films to my knowledge so I agree with you there.

As for gay crap, which films are you chatting about. I must say many American indie gay films are found wanting, although the Europeans often handle the subject matter in a more entertaining manner.

On the positive side, since you seem to want to say you disagree with me all of the time, I'm the perfect critic for you. Don't see what I like, and go to what I hate. This way your filmgoing will be an eternally blissful experience.

On the plus side, your writing is highly energetic and entertaining. With a little editing, you'd be a fine critic yourself.


After reading your comment blurb on rotten tomatoes, all I can say is this: You watched an hour and a half of a movie about aliens hunting humans, and all you could come up with was how "you'll want to applaud his exquisitely chiseled torso".........Pretty fuckin gay dude, pretty fuckin gay. Go watch gay-porn, or some chick-flick with Gerard Butler if you want a movie with that kind of content, you fuckin jackass. Pull your head outta your ass, and just stop reviewing movies in general.

On Mr. Brody's 6-Pack

Hi! I think there's a misconception going on here. I was praising Mr. Brody's transformation into an action star and that he was capable of transforming his body into a convincing, powerhouse of pulsating muscle. I did not go to the screening of this film hoping to be aroused by the actor's newly tightened belly. My criticism is that other than his stomach, there was nothing in this silly film that was entertaining or showed as much effort in its creation.

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