. . . Or the "Our 401k's Tanked Too Tour" (rather unwieldy but a great merch tie-in!), or "Stanford Costs a Lot More Than I Thought Tour." It's dizzying, the possibilities. So this is it, the end of the line. The five stages of grief took fourteen years to play out, but here we are finally -- acceptance. The Grateful Dead is over, done. Gone but certainly not forgotten. First, a disclaimer: I don't review concerts or shows or bands for a living or even for a laugh. Second, I have seen the Grateful Dead well over 200 times, seen many (most) of their post-Jerry line-ups, and heard them all from the original Phil Lesh and Friends through The Other Ones, The Dead, RatDog, and even Dark Star Orchestra (whose only affiliation is that they blow all the aforementioned away in terms of recreating a Grateful Dead-like experience -- you have to get around the Weir/simulacrum guy however, his stage presence is too dead-on, tics intended).

This latest incarnation is an abomination from the word go. For me it started with the ticket prices -- an otherworldly figure of $115 for a show -- one Dead show! I saw this deal for a mere $50 (along with the Allman Brothers) at an Obama fund-raiser in Penn State back in the fall. Shoulda quit while I was ahead. That was fun. Low-key, no frills, and fewer expectations. A stripped-down stage, primitive lighting, no merchandise, and general admission seating all brought me back to the college tours of the 1970s. Anyway, fast forward to now: The Dead Reunion Tour (can anyone Photoshop three sleeping "dancing bears" or maybe a yawning Steal Your Face?). I missed the Taxi Tour '09 (you had to get to three separate venues in Manhattan -- get it?), probably due to the fact that I don't visit Dead.net three times a day. But I did hear it and I chalked it up to a kind of open rehearsal thing. The ensuing tour has had more musical low spots and more questionable song selection than I care to deal with.

And what can I say about their TV appearance on The View? Not sure who the target audience was, but I am sure when Molly, Sis and Aunt Shirley got back to St. Louis they couldn't wait to show off their 32-year old concert Terrapin '77 CD they got as a promo from GDM. Another wasted opportunity song selection wise in what could have been a great opportunity to introduce a (gasp) new song. Speaking of wasted -- high point was Whoopi's toking mannerisms during the set up. It was so bad as to be good, almost. If you love "camp" this would be it; Dead Camp.

But I digress. Let's first look at the new the lineup. Warren Haynes is no Jack Kennedy or whatever the cliche du jour is. He is a formidable guitar player who has found a wonderful niche in Government Mule (if you're looking for four-and-a-half hours of inventive covers, high-decibel rock 'n' roll, cool set lists, and mind-numbing guitar work, check them out.) But fellows, let's be real, he just don't work in this line up. At best he is a one-trick pony, way guilty of overexposure and shackled here by some monumental expectations. Phil and Bobby (how long do we continue to call a 60-year old Bobby?), shame on you. Write a freaking song and stop turning this into a '60s cover band. For a hundred bucks I can't get a new tune?!? I love Lesh -- been there, got the sticker -- but he just cannot sing! Evocative, emotion-laden maybe, but spare me this experience on a regular basis. Weir singing "Bird Song," "Ramble On Rose," and on and on is quite possibly criminal.

I was at the Continental Izod Men's Warehouse Arena the other night, and I must admit I lost control of my expectations. Branford Marsalis had played the night before (he was sound checking "Crazy Fingers" when we arrived). That was the only imprimatur that I needed. Good enough for Branford, good enough for me. People were raving about the night before, top ten Branford show or something -- comparing it to 9/10/91. When people rave about this band and begin to rank the shows, I think of that clever t-shirt that lists songs, venues, and concerts -- 2300 or so. So the best show by any band since 1995 would have to be 2300 + 1 or some such. You can, by now, see where I am going with this. The first set was . . . excruciating. I can think of no better word. The "Crazy Fingers" was inspired and lofty but the rest: slow, slower, slowest. Days Between? There are days indeed; "Touch of Grey" and "Casey Jones" for those greatest hits aficionados among us; "Deal" (see above). The second set fared no better. although someone on Dead.net called it "magnificent." By whose standards I am not quite sure. The "mini-reviews" are located between the download link (should you want to actually own one of these gems) and the merchandise. You can amazingly get a link to Nightfall of Diamonds on the same page, an official 1989 release from the same venue, nineteen bucks and around eight for postage -- hmmm, so coulda bought five 10/16/89s for the price of one 4/29/09 -- you do the math.

You know, I really didn't want to trash the band I love and its surviving members, tear apart the last thing (hopefully) that they might bring to the table musically. But I do feel that someone has to tell ya the truth, as I see it. The emperor is old and naked. Anyone got a tie-dyed sheet? - Charlie Carr

Mr. Carr is a music freak and just back from JazzFest in Nawlins, where he took in more music than his ears could possibly handle.